Light Blues

photo by green ant

I really want to go to bed. I somehow I got my blogger set for the Australian clock, so I don’t know what time the system claims I’m writing this.  Here however, it’s late night.

Writers must write though.

I sent out my heavy story. I think it’s good. Maybe in two months I won't. In any case, now other people have to judge it. The most unfun part of hopeful publication. However without gatekeepers, no ones going to want to spend time reading anything and literature becomes a vast unlooked at twitter, so as a gray day’s rain keeps us from dying in a desert, editors have their place too.

I ate baked penne at an Italian restaurant for lunch and salad for dinner to try to balance it out. I know it won’t and my health will suffer, but just for a day or so.  

Nothing really great has happened. I just have bits and chit chat to inform you. Maybe I should review a book or something, before everyone runs away.

It’s cold, but the sun’s coming back, days getting longer, slowly but surely. I haven’t gotten the winter blues this year. Well, maybe light blues, not falling into despair, but a kind of permanent annoyance. No one wants to comfort me. They kind of want to give me the third finger. I can’t really blame them. The consequences of being obnoxious, but not truly depressed.

Roe puts up with me, so I’m happy enough and I can reign things in to the extent various baristas enjoy my company, while I wait for my iced tea: which is good, but makes me colder.

I have food and shelter, so now I should be busy seeking the top of Maslow’s self-actualization pyramid instead of sitting around. Maslow would be very disappointed if he knew or maybe being self-actualized, he wouldn’t care.

Tonic, Ganesha, and my Heavy Story

 

Photo by Josh Cris Gayle

I’m writing this blog instead of doing the dishes that are left over this morning from a tonic I make everyday.

It consists of spring water, lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. It’s supposed to do something. It feels like it's doing something, but I’m not sure what.

The obvious answer would be detoxifying, but I don’t think that’s scientifically possible. A body doesn’t really build up poisons that need to be released, despite popular opinion, unless one has cancer or something and  that wouldn't involve detoxifying. That would involve chemotherapy or something.

 I like the way the drink tastes though. It feels like it's clearing you out, maybe just mentally, but in any case, it can’t hurt.

 Better mood finally, but  I’m writing a heavy story. I’m trying to make it light enough to be accepted somewhere, but it's hard because it sooooooo heavy. Maybe I could find a heavy editor… Wish me luck.

 I took down a gaudy colored poster of Ganesha, but then I got worried he wouldn’t help me anymore so I put up a little gray and white xeroxed picture of him. I think this goes the other way into too subtle however. You can’t get a charge out of it or even really see it.

Maybe a statue. That cheapest nice one is 48 dollars  Two spaghetti dinners. Spaghetti’s all right, but I like the fresh vegetables and fish 48 dollars privileges me. Roe likes them better too. She says spaghetti makes us fat and perhaps she has a point, but a nice statue of Ganesha vs. a little weight, you know?

Being a quasi-elephant, Ganesha is very fat, but I digress.

Stopping

photo by Lawrence Chrismorie on Unsplash

I stopped cleaning the apartment and stopped writing and just stopped.

When I searched for advice, an angel oracle card told me I should accept my nonduality, but still reek of humanity, which was rather obscure.

Still glad to be alive. I mean, I wouldn’t commit suicide, particularly not over being scatterbrained, but it feels very unpleasant.

Read a little Hamnet. That was good. I also got a high speed blender from Amazon, plus stainless steel salad tongs.

That’s it, not a great day leaves me with nothing much to say, but I’ve tried to put forth a mildly entertaining effort.

Magick, Books, Covid

photo by Content Pixie

Me and Roe are running out of places to go. The coffeeshops are not available to sit in so we order from Starbucks--I know, there are independent coffee shops that are much more exciting--then we take our drinks to the car where we use them and read in the parking lot.

We might drive to a local park, but it's too cold to go for a walk, so we just drive through it. Sometimes twice.

We go to Stop and Shop and select ingredients for dinner and hope we don’t get corona-virus.

We read at home and stare out the window.

Roe’s convinced that if she gets corona-virus, she’ll die immediately. I don’t think I will, but who knows?

We’re getting stimulus checks. I’m not knocking them, but we don’t have anywhere to spend the money, except on food and shelter. 

I could be a little grateful.

Reading New Thought. Particularly The Game of Life and How to Play It. I’ve read this twice. Reading a Self-Identity Ho’oponopono book. also. One book tells me to think positive thoughts to get rich. The other book tells me to think no thoughts to get inspired.

I’m not exactly unhappy, but I’ve got an edge to me that’s a little too sharp for comfort. I want to go to the beach, but of course that’s unrealistic.

Trying to do magick. I feel the power in my body, but it’s not the fast lane to fulfillment, yet. I think things would be much worse if I didn’t do my spells though. Also I’m a beginner, can’t expect to play piano concertos in one day, so why should I expect to be a mage in a minute, etc, etc,etc. 

Stoic

From Wikipedia Commons

Winter wonderland: cold. New year's past. Patiently waiting for everything to change. Vaccines are here, but not distributed. Biden isn’t in ’til the 20th. I’m not famous, just waiting around like a lounge lizard. There’s really no day to be seized, so don’t ask me to seize the day or I will ask you to seize your nose and blow it.

 I hope I’m not bitter. A few centuries ago, I’d be dead by now. Today, I have a number of years to look forward to assuming a piano doesn’t fall on my head. And where there’s life there’s hope. After death there could be hope also, but no one knows.

 I tried stoicism, sometime in 2020, but I was basically getting my information from a business book. It kept talking about making executive decisions and sited Andrew Carnegie as a stoic god. I couldn’t translate this to my life in anyway, but when I read Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, it gave me pause. It was all right. I’m not a roman emperor either, but somehow, what I understood, I related to. Not entirely, but a lot. My books on how to live my life are mostly from a new age feminine perspective, so it was nice to have another point of view.

 It basically depends how you look at logos that decides whether I’m into stoicism. If you look at logos as a logical, but still mystical force like God/Goddess or the Universe, I’m all ears. If you look on it as an intellectual framework for getting your to-do list done, not so much.

 Different strokes for different folks, of course.

Famous

Photo by Steven Lasry/ From Unsplash 

I wonder if I’ll be famous. A little late in the game of course, don’t know if I’d want to be famous, anyway. The cult of celebrity, much complaint about people wanting to just be famous to be famous and not producing art of worth. A narcissistic society and what not. Still, it kind of sounds good to me.

 Of course you could be famous for saying something wrong on Instagram or murdering someone…

 I think benevolently famous for no reason is the way to go.

On the other hand, you could work hard and play harder. Start from the bottom, make your way to the top through effort, nose to the grindstone, blood, sweat, and tears: “I did it my way. It was difficult but I wouldn’t trade a minute for the world. Thank you God and my family for this Oscar.”

 Applause

 You could be Zen famous, stare into space and let famous come to you, but don’t get attached to it.

 Then again, if you’re not famous, under the radar, and going nowhere, you don’t have to worry about attached. Unless you get attached to being a loser.

 It’s very complicated!

Holiday

 

I think it’s good to wish people happy holiday instead of Merry Christmas. I mean you don’t know what they're celebrating and its foolish to assume, but I feel kind of dumb wishing people a happy holiday on Dec 24 when the it’s kind of obvious your talking about the 25. Better then not caring though and everyone seems to be happy.

 Anyway, If you see someone wearing a Santa cap or antlers you can wish them Merry Christmas. I mean, chances are. Well, antlers they could be worshiping the horned god, but it probably has something to do with Rudolf.

 Me and Roe spent a good Christmas by ourselves. We have a way of bickering for 2 minutes every three hours then forgetting about it and going back to enjoying ourselves.

 I made a Christmas dinner. Mashed sweet potatoes, steel head trout, something called Celebration Roast: a competitor of Tofurky and green beans which turned out so tough we threw them out, but they made the plate look happy.

 In the middle of making it all, I thought, what have I done, this is too much, but Roe gave me a pep talk, I took a break, then went back to the kitchen, and life went on.

 I’m haven’t been reading much of anything for a few weeks, but carrying around a big Barnes and Noble bag stuffed with books if that counts.

 Two self help books were a bust. Very obvious. They said nothing I couldn’t figure out by myself in two minutes. That means either I’m greatly mature and have already incorporated their brilliant advice into my life because of my natural gestalt or they were… really obvious. I’m betting on really obvious.

  Third one’s still interesting, though.

 Saw the Winter Waite tarot deck online where Pamela Coleman’s illustrations have added snow and candy canes and elf clothes, thought it was really cheerful and fun. However too much money but I’m still thinking about it.  It would mean 3 spaghetti dinners with Ragu, so I’m on the fence, Elves vs good meals. Don’t know.